Spring Conference Review Testimony

Key Verse: “Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." (Luke 23:34a)

I. The Work of God I Experienced

This spring conference was a much needed break for me. I have been stressed out about a lot of things. I felt very frustrated for a good two weeks before conference, and worried about where the money was going to come from and what, if anything, I should do. I will admit I was burnt out with praise and worship, with Narrowgate, with dealing with my family (from being home all the time), and constantly searching for a job with no visible fruit. The last thing I wanted to do was stress out about writing a testimony that my heart obviously wasn’t moved to write; it was a selfish motive, really, but that was how I felt. Conference was my chance to “get away from it all” and be able to recharge.

From past experience, I knew that God could work in me at the conference if I let Him, and I knew I needed that. I needed, more than wanted, to hear the message of the Cross, to take time away from the things that were worrying me and just focus on Jesus. Still, the issue of money was one that I couldn’t get around. I have been unemployed since January, and money at my house is tight, so I was wary to shell out the money for the conference from my own pocket, and even more reluctant to ask my parents for help. I finally decided just to pay for it, that it would be worth the cost and that somehow I would just work with what I had left. The week of the conference, my grandmother sent me a check to give me a little spending money, knowing I was unemployed; it was just enough to cover the cost of conference. I turned in the money the next day and completed my registration.

Still, M. Joan and I prayed that I would have something to do at the conference. I was still reluctant to commit to anything, but when they suggested that I sing a solo (which I have done in the past at my old churches and occasionally in high school), I knew that that was something I could do and that I was comfortable with. However, Thursday before the conference I still did not have a song. S. Kevin suggested one to me, and we practiced that night, but I was already having second thoughts: I was coming down with a cold, and my throat was sore and scratchy. My voice cracked a lot, and I am very self-critical so I was leery about singing while sick.

My “condition” only got worse at the conference. We practiced once more on Saturday morning and I was almost reduced to tears because I couldn’t sing the song without my voice giving out. I could barely breathe and couldn’t get enough oxygen to support the notes very clearly, either, and all during lunch before the message I was worried to death about it. But S. Kevin and I prayed, and I prayed some more, and others prayed for me…. and when it came time for me to sing, I sang and sang (relatively) well. That night, I nearly lost my voice, and on Sunday I sounded like a frog. I knew that God had helped me to do what I had committed to do, and His control over things that are beyond my control was made all the more clear. When I pledge to do something in service to God and His people, He makes it possible to overcome all obstacles.

II. The Word of God I Received

God continued to reveal Himself to me through the messages and Bible study. I have heard this passage many times before, and I did appreciate Jesus’ sacrifice for me, but it never hit me as hard as it did this year at the conference. While listening to S. Nick’s message on Luke 23, Jesus’ prayer on the cross really spoke to me. I remember S. Nick saying that we do not truly understand the consequences of our sin. It is easy to say that God hates sin, that He cannot look on sin and that we are sinners. We all have done things that are wrong, and every day we hear things on the news that make us sad or angry, so looking at the human condition and believing that we are sinners is a relatively easy connection.

Thinking of Jesus on the cross, I could hear Him uttering those words and thinking of me, and of all the times in my life where I have fallen short of God’s standard. I realized that even now that I am a Christian, I sin so easily—so naturally—because I don’t always think of the consequences of my actions. I lie and shirk my responsibilities at home and school without hesitation. Things that I do affect others, and more importantly they affect God. When I sin, I demonstrate my weakness, ignorance, and ungratefulness for His grace and mercy; and I do it so often that I am hardened to it and sometimes even unaware.

But looking at Jesus’ cross, I can’t but be painfully aware of all my shortcomings. All of my mistakes, big and small, come back to me and I realize that I really am a sinner. God knows my weaknesses and understands them, and I shouldn’t dwell on my sin; in fact, sometimes we fall victim to another kind of pride, thinking that we are so terrible that even God cannot save us. But being aware of my weaknesses helps me to correct my mistakes, prepare myself against temptations, and grow stronger in Christ. I can recognize my need for Him even more, be able to realize how I need to repent and seek Him daily. And if I realize how ignorant I am of God when I am one of His children, how much more can I realize the ignorance of others who are in need of Him?

Through this message, I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, and my heart has been opened. I feel compassion for people again, and am more optimistic and less cynical when things don’t go my way. I honestly want to be more involved in Narrowgate, to step out of my comfort zone even more and be a leader. I want to use what God has revealed to me (and is still revealing to me) to reach the people that God brings into my life, even outside of UBF. Being more aware of my actions and their consequences can help me make better decisions and be a better witness for Christ.

One Word: A renewed spirit for Christ because of His forgiveness.